I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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