We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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