Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize