Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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