The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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