wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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