Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
