I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
