you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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