I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
