I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
