Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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