Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
