My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
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