I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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