I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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