wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize