The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Alive.
So much puke
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
