im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
