I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish i was in the wii world.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
