He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
