it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
