That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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