I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
