Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You may now shotgun with the bride
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
