remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
