Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
