There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
