I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
