I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
