i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
