his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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