What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
