She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This gyro tastes like lonliness
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
