she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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