why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
