He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is my gift to your gina
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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