I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
