Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have fence marks all over my body
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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