okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
