By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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