what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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