This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
