The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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