I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
