I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
