i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
