I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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