Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
