Don't you send me to vm
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
