if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
