dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
