I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
