mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sarcasm needs its own font
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
