so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
