she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize