so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
