i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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