the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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