you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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