I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
