I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
