I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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