Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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