We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
