My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
