I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
