this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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