I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
