i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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