Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
