Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
